Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Wanna be a Laird?

Means Lord or Lady, apparently. I'm quite serious. For the paltry sum of GBP30, you, too, can be a Laird of Glencairn. By which they mean 1 square foot of dirt in the Scottish Highlands that no human eye would ever see were it not for Google Earth. Thanks to www.iwantoneofthose.com for that. Anyway, what really struck about this silly offer was this fantastic bit of feedback which was just too good not to share:

Dear Sirs, I recently purchased a Laird of Glencairn gift box for my husband and wish to complain. This gift came with no health warning, such as "This gift can seriously damage your mental health and if affected this does not mean you can drive a tractor. It may also impair your ability to maintain a healthy marriage" Since receiving his gift my husband has become seriously deranged, requiring myself and our sons to address him only as Laird and will respond only if spoken to in a scottish accent. He has also taken to wearing a kilt (in the traditional way) which is unfortunate as he is a window cleaner. We have been granted some respite as he is presently sectioned for an unfortunate accident where his sporran became entangled in a venetian blind. He is keeping himself occupied by building a miniature caravan out of scone crumbs to site on his plot of land. We are unsure when he will be released as he is refusing treatment unless he can be seen by DR. Finlay. The upside is, I am planning a convalescence trip for him to his country retreat for a bit of camping and fishing in the glorious scottish air and am presently trying to convince him that we will not be able to tow his caravan. On a thrifty note for our scottish brethren, the tin makes a lovely container for scones and I have used the tartan wrapping to line a drawer.

Denise Foreshaw, Liverpool

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