Saturday, October 18, 2008

I can haz kitteh?

Hokay, I've been away from this blog for a wee bit longer than I'd anticipated. Apologies to regular readers who actually pay attention to anything I have to say. Anyways, there's a very good reason for this, 'onest guv'nor. Here she is:

Yep, finally acting on the advice of Scott Adams, Terry Pratchett and not least a certain pushy friend who pointed out a suitable kitten, I've adopted a kitteh. Her name's Haruhara Haruka, or just Haruka will do. Just over 4 months old, bit chubby, bit shy, very quiet, loves tuna, anchovies and voodoo dolls. I try very hard to only speak to her in Japanese. Acquired from an exceedingly cool friend of a friend who runs an animal shelter. No, I won't be posting lolcat pics of her.

Those of you who are familiar with FLCL may notice her name sounds a wee bit familiar, yes? Well, Haruka's predecessor was in fact named Haruhara Haruko:

Like her namesake, Haruko was indeed a singularly wild creature. A stray, captured with a few days of patient waiting, tuna and fast hands (not mine) Haruko went absolutely apeshit when we first bunged her inside a cage for transport. She clawed at everything available to her with unbridled fury until, exhausted, she slumped back into the corner and trembled in wide-eyed terror for a bit before another fit of furry frenzy. Well, to cut a long story short, I did manage to win Haruko's trust (tuna is magic!) long enough to have her purring in my hands and to give her scruffy hide a towel bath. Alas, I had underestimated her, and the very next morning she pissed on a table and jumped out the window. I gave chase, but she vanished like mist after rounding a corner. And that was that.

Thing is, I'd already bought the kitty litter, litter box, cat food, and constructed a wee bed out of a cardboard box and some shirts I wouldn't be caught dead wearing. So I felt a right burke sitting in my study, converted into a veritable cat habitat with a profound lack of cat. And so I adopted Haruka.

Those of you who know me well enough may be wondering if this is a sign that I've finally given up on all hope of ever finding a girlfriend. The answer to that is a resounding NO. True, I'm still in Malaysia, and from what I've observed here, a girlfriend is nothing but trouble. When Ms Right comes sauntering along, there will be coffee and chitchat. Perhaps some b33r and Sambuca to go with it, among other things. But I get the feeling whoever Ms Right is, she won't be Malaysian. Yes, you read that right.

Between a Malaysian woman and a cat, I would, by a long shot, favour the cat. You'd get more love and less crap, any day of the week. With a cat, you can, with a wee squirt of catnip, achieve the same happiness that would take MYR5,000 worth of leather goods with a Malaysian woman. A cat can be persuaded to see things your way with a well-timed and well-placed squirt of a water pistol. A Malaysian woman... hell, you try being an atheist with an education in physics in this country for a bit. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, the world's problems seem very small indeed when you have a kitten purring in your lap. I suppose the same effect can be achieved, if not surpassed, by the almighty afterglow of damned good sex. But this is Malaysia, and that kind of thing will most certainly come with a hell of a price, whether or not you get it from a woman of negotiable affections*.

So there you have it. I have a lovely cat, who seems to like me and I'm a significantly happier person for it. This may or may not be a good thing, seeing as, looking back through my posts, I find a lot of my material is fueled by a quietly bubbling rage against the sheer absurdity that one witnesses as a near-bibliomaniacal internet infidel. Indeed, it's very difficult to maintain a state of righteous anger when all you have to do is look down to find a kitten purring on your lap and staring up at you with the mad amazement of all kittens:

But, I'm in between terms at Japanese language school now, and I'll try to do some catching up. And I do believe my Japanese has actually improved, despite Haruka's efforts to slow me down:

If anyone has anything they'd like me to write about, do give me a yell and I'll see what I can cook up. Until then, here's a bit of possible nominative determinismishness: I was born in a town called Kuching, meaning 'cat'.

* And since this is Malaysia, questionable gender, too.

1 comment:

Mike said...

a cat eh? well thats better than the alternative i-couldnt-blog-because-i-was-in-jail explaination that i was begining to worry was true :P

good to see your back, its nice to have a bit more reading material while im at work. enjoy the kitty.