I like pandas

I'm a fan of China, for any number of reasons, not least being its ability to drastically upset the balance of world power, as I witnessed in the murder of the US steel industry. So suffice it to say, I know who I want to lead in the medal tally this year. But it seems to me that there's something of an elephant in the room regarding the Beijing Olympics.



What's been bugging me about the Beijing Olympics is this: The mascots are kinda lame. I mean, really, Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying and Nini? Gweilo friends should know by now that the names are taken from "北京欢迎你", pronounced "Beijing huan ying ni", meaning "Beijing welcomes you". Here's a detailed explanation, but what the hell are they supposed to be?? Just look at them!

Wikipedia tells us that, from L to R, they are a Chinese Sturgeon, Giant Panda, Olympic Flame, Tibetan antelope and a Swallow. Man, you tell me when's the last time you saw a green swallow... And I'm definitely not impressed by Beibei. Beibei and Nini are female, you know. You can tell, coz they're the only ones standing pigeon-toed. Don't believe me? Check the Wiki!

I mean, this is the first time the glorious People's Republic is hosting the games, whatever happened to those other cool hallmarks of Chinese culture? You know, the ones people recognise? Dragon, tiger and phoenix? Maybe that turtle thing from feng shui? I was really hoping for a dragon, myself. Who still remembers this:

古老的東方有一群人

他們全都是龍的傳人

Translated:

In the ancient East there's a bunch of people,

That bunch of people, they're descendants of the Dragon!

That's what I'm talking about. Not some damn fish. The panda I can live with, though having seen a few at the Beijing Zoo, I can't quite see them as being symbolic of athletic achievement. See for yourself:

Um.

Well...

I'm-a sign off here. Good luck to China! 中华人民共和国万岁! 世界人民大团结万岁!